Double Lives

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Sometimes it feels like we're living double lives right now.

By day, we're the happy, successful, all-American family next door - going to work, doing our schooling, and keeping up on our favorite shows on TV. By night, we're missionaries trying hard to raise enough funds to get our boots on the ground in a poverty-stricken, dirty, second-world country.

It can be a challenge. Especially since we don't have the option of being only one or the other at a time.

The emotional realities of these two lives are very different. Here, we are allowed (even encouraged) by society to take advantage of the luxuries that are available to us as a reward for our hard work. Even with a very modest lifestyle and budget, we have access to all the food, clothing, entertainment, and comforts that anyone could ever wish for. But, we're also missionaries, preparing to live with less, and on less. We have seen the other side of the coin, and will soon have to stop catering to our mere 'wants' and be grateful to simply be able to meet our true 'needs.' We often find ourselves wondering, 'should we be starting that now?'

I also have a hard time not letting the emotions I feel from one life spill into the way I think about the other.

When I've had a frustrating or discouraging day as American homeschooling wife and mom, it's hard not to also feel frustrated or discouraged about our progress and preparation for our mission work.

Literally, I've had times when I've been bummed about burning dinner, and let that make me doubt (just for a second) the calling to missions God put on our lives.

It's silly, I know, but that's how the fiery darts of the enemy work. And, while our situation is different from most, I bet you can relate. We're all, in one way or another, leading double lives.

Father and breadwinner.
Wife and daughter.
In the world, but not of it.

That's why I'm so glad I have Jesus. He knows what I'm going through. He was both beloved, and despised. He was needed, but rejected. He was God, but He was man.

He gets it.

He knows my struggles and challenges. He rejoices with me and because of me. He will never leave me, nor forsake me... neither the happy, successful, all-American me, nor the missionary me raising funds and preparing to move to Guatemala.

And if that's not enough to make a person double happy, then nothing is.

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