I have a bad habit. It may even lead to
a little sleep deprivation at times.
Before I go to bed I like to read.
Most of the time I read something I already own. Sometimes something will come into my mind, and I will
look it up on the internet, and suddenly it's four in the morning!
So, the other night the thought
came to me, "You like testimonies
don't you?" I responded back,
"Why, yes I do." The thought
continued, "What about the testimonies of atheists who were once
Christians?"
I'd never read those. I'd never even thought of reading those.
A quick internet search of
'Christians turned atheists' led to a treasure trove of stories. Some interesting, some boring, some very sad.
Most of the stories, but not all, started, "I
believed... was part of the church... example, example, example.... Then _______ happened." Typically ________ was some kind of
tragedy. The death of a close family member seemed to be the most common, or a bad
illness or something someone prayed for that didn't happen. They usually continued by saying, "I lost faith, and then I started reading different atheist authors and websites.
I found comfort in those things and am now free of believing in a myth / fairytale / superstitions / religion."
It was amazing to me how the
stories were so similar, including many from ex-pastors turned atheists. They seem
to be kind of rock stars in the atheist world, often turning to full time
speaking about how they were 'delivered from religion,' and making good money
doing it.
All these stories got me thinking
about my own story.
I gave my life to God at eleven,
and was saved at thirteen. I served in
my church, often going to services every-night during busy times. Then, tragedy happened. My mom got cancer. After three years. and an especially horrible last six months, she was gone. I lost faith.
Sounds familiar, right? But, now for the difference.
I was not going to let God off the
hook. That is what switching to atheism
is, in my view. "God these bad things
happened, so I am not going to believe in you anymore. That will teach
you!"
Not good enough. I wanted answers. Why did prayer not work? Why did this happen to mom, who was such a faithful person? So, I dived into the Word. I read
the Bible. I read literature from
the church I was going to. I watched
YouTube videos of pastors. I read websites of different
ministries - both ones I knew, and new ones. I wasn't doing this passively. I was looking for answers.
Then, on September 3, 2010, the Lord
answered me. It was such a personal and
private experience that I cannot really describe it, but it was life changing.
Even after the encounter I still had
things I struggled with. I went through
severe depression, had a lot of fear, and took a long time healing. Jesus brought me through each hard thing, though He definitely did not cause them. Most of them were caused by my own anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness toward other
people. As the Lord led me through the challenges (sometime with me pulling back) I became more and more free. Then He could start using me. And, He has, in
ways that I couldn't even imagine four years ago.
Let's go back to the beginning, with me reading late at night. When people go through a challenging time, they must choose whether they're going to push deeper into knowing the Creator of the Universe, or believe a lie that brings temporary comfort, but not
eternal comfort. A lie that makes life about us, instead of about Him.
A lie that will be of no help the next time a challenge happens.
In the Hospice room with my mom
and aunt, my mom gave me a present that I think about weekly. In the middle of her pain, and close to death,
came this song from her lips:
"Jesus loves me this I know,
for the Bible tells me so..."
No comments:
Post a Comment