What Am I Doing?

Andrea just wrote a really great blog. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. It is the one before this one.

I decided to write a similar blog to hers, but from my point of view.

My main job here in Guatemala is to work for the Bible school Manos Que Cosechan.  I have taught a couple of times, but mostly my job is administration, maintenance, and helping with whatever needs to be done.

The hardest part of my job is my own thoughts.  I often wonder if I am doing enough. Am I making enough of a difference?

I see the homeless every day. I hear stories of orphans, the sick, widows, and I think, "Should I be helping them more directly?" The answer is usually no.  I give to the homeless when I can and pray with people, but God has placed me in the Bible School. 

Anything else I would add would take away from what I am doing there.  I am generally at the Bible School six days a week, between six and eight hours a day, sometimes more.  So, I could do more things in the evenings, but that is family time, and I really feel that family time is more important on the mission field than it was when we lived in America.  That is not to say I don't do some things in the evenings, but I try to keep them limited.

The Bible School is a long term investment in ministry. Much of the time we don't even hear how our teaching has affected people until years later. Most of the time we never hear.  We are teaching students the word of God. Not only that, but the practical word of God!  We teach them things that will help them in everyday life.  Things that will help them be better parents, spouses, community members, and church members.  Our school is for the everyone everyday.

So, am I helping the orphans? Maybe not directly, but what if out of our 380 students  a year, one student or five students or more get a heart for orphans because of what we have taught them? That is more than I can do by myself.

If an abusive alcoholic husband learns his worth, his wife's worth, and his kids' worth and gives up drinking and begins to treat his wife and kids as God wants him to because of what he has learned at the Bible School, how much does that change a community and a nation, and especially the lives of  his wife and children?

What about someone who gets on fire and preaches the Word in another country.  We know one of our former students did just that - got on fire and moved to Argentina, sharing the Word of God with whomever they can.

Is it still hard for me sometimes when I see all the need? Yes! Extremely!  Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about all the people out there who need help.  Knowing Andrea gets to go out and try all these different ministry experiences - I admit to being a little jealous.

She comes home telling me about them and it is easy for me to feel like I am not doing enough.  But, then I remember that she has her current journey with God and I have mine.  At some point she will find something Jesus lays on her heart and she'll stay there. Of course, maybe she won't.  Andrea has always had a gift for filling in where needed and maybe that will always be part of her ministry here - being exactly where she is needed. Never permanent, but always making a big difference.  Who knows except God!

I guess that is why each journey with God is so unique, and why it is hard to sometimes feel satisfied with where I am at.  But, then I remember I am following God, and He knows the best and most effective place for me, regardless of how it feels to me.