What Am I Doing?

Andrea just wrote a really great blog. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. It is the one before this one.

I decided to write a similar blog to hers, but from my point of view.

My main job here in Guatemala is to work for the Bible school Manos Que Cosechan.  I have taught a couple of times, but mostly my job is administration, maintenance, and helping with whatever needs to be done.

The hardest part of my job is my own thoughts.  I often wonder if I am doing enough. Am I making enough of a difference?

I see the homeless every day. I hear stories of orphans, the sick, widows, and I think, "Should I be helping them more directly?" The answer is usually no.  I give to the homeless when I can and pray with people, but God has placed me in the Bible School. 

Anything else I would add would take away from what I am doing there.  I am generally at the Bible School six days a week, between six and eight hours a day, sometimes more.  So, I could do more things in the evenings, but that is family time, and I really feel that family time is more important on the mission field than it was when we lived in America.  That is not to say I don't do some things in the evenings, but I try to keep them limited.

The Bible School is a long term investment in ministry. Much of the time we don't even hear how our teaching has affected people until years later. Most of the time we never hear.  We are teaching students the word of God. Not only that, but the practical word of God!  We teach them things that will help them in everyday life.  Things that will help them be better parents, spouses, community members, and church members.  Our school is for the everyone everyday.

So, am I helping the orphans? Maybe not directly, but what if out of our 380 students  a year, one student or five students or more get a heart for orphans because of what we have taught them? That is more than I can do by myself.

If an abusive alcoholic husband learns his worth, his wife's worth, and his kids' worth and gives up drinking and begins to treat his wife and kids as God wants him to because of what he has learned at the Bible School, how much does that change a community and a nation, and especially the lives of  his wife and children?

What about someone who gets on fire and preaches the Word in another country.  We know one of our former students did just that - got on fire and moved to Argentina, sharing the Word of God with whomever they can.

Is it still hard for me sometimes when I see all the need? Yes! Extremely!  Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about all the people out there who need help.  Knowing Andrea gets to go out and try all these different ministry experiences - I admit to being a little jealous.

She comes home telling me about them and it is easy for me to feel like I am not doing enough.  But, then I remember that she has her current journey with God and I have mine.  At some point she will find something Jesus lays on her heart and she'll stay there. Of course, maybe she won't.  Andrea has always had a gift for filling in where needed and maybe that will always be part of her ministry here - being exactly where she is needed. Never permanent, but always making a big difference.  Who knows except God!

I guess that is why each journey with God is so unique, and why it is hard to sometimes feel satisfied with where I am at.  But, then I remember I am following God, and He knows the best and most effective place for me, regardless of how it feels to me.

Weary

I'm feeling just a little weary this evening.

Today was our day to visit the women's shelter. Going there is always an emotional challenge, but it was especially poignant this time in light of this week's events. You see, yesterday was International Women's Day. It was also the day that an "orphanage" in Guatemala City burned down, killing "at least 22" according to international news reports. The problem is, it wasn't an orphanage, at least not exclusively or in the sense that many of us think of an orphanage. It was also a shelter for underage girls who had been abused or neglected, just like our shelter. Many of these girls had kids of their own. The official news reports are saying 22 died, but the number I have heard is 31, with many more in critical condition. This shelter was notoriously overcrowded, housing dozens and dozens (possibly hundreds) more than they had capacity for. There are many reports from knowledgeable sources that there was most likely terrible abuse there as well, with older kids preying on younger ones, a lot of gang activity, and even workers abusing residents as well.

Many of the girls in our shelter had friends or relatives there. Because there are so few shelters in the country, I would say it's likely that our shelter will be absorbing as many new girls as possible as the government scrambles to re-home those who were displaced. (This, of course, is a challenging prospect, since our shelter doesn't even have enough soap, toilet paper, diapers, etc. for those who are already living there.) The mood today was somber, with a palpable undercurrent of stress among the ladies and the kids. I know there was no more important place I could have been today than there, sharing the powerful Word of God and our love to the ladies at our Bible study and rocking an 8 year girl who just could.not.pull.it.together until I finally sang her to sleep on my lap.

Then again, there was also no more important place that I can be than at the school where I spent 2 hours helping to straighten out yet another challenge with teachers who have been woefully unprepared for the task of educating young people, and students who come to school woefully unprepared to learn. If we can teach these kids to think, to know, to care, to pay attention, to find their voice, to speak out for others - then we can stop the kind of abuse that caused those 31 dead girls and the hundreds others at that home to have needed shelter from their own families in the first place. With education, we can get competent, effective, noncorrupt officials into positions at schools, orphanages, shelters, and government agencies.

Then again, the school where I volunteer is a private school (albeit not a super expensive one), and those kids already have advantages that most don't, so the most important place I can be is at our friends' biweekly after school program, which reaches kids from very challenging circumstances who already face an uphill battle,  including often not even having enough food and basically no support or supervision from parents. Showing up, taking time to listen to them, giving them the most basic of Biblical information (which they all so clearly lack), helping them with their homework, seeing to it that they have a healthy, filling, hot meal and a backpack of food to take home - these are things that will make the difference for those kids and could end cycles of poverty, ignorance, and illiteracy that may go back generation upon generation in their families.

Then again, those kids are young, and their ability to make an impact at best will be a decade or more off, so there's no more important place that I can be than our Bible institute, where we train almost 600 students around the country with the truth of God's Word and equip them to be leaders in their own homes, churches, and communities. If we can touch their hearts, and they can touch the hearts of those around them, then the gospel can be shared until the whole nation is truly walking in the Lordship of Jesus Christ and all the blessings and protection that provides.

Then again, there is no guarantee that these students will choose to be doers of the Word rather than just hearers, week in and week out in our classes, so there's no more important place that I can be than giving English lessons to dear friends who are already so faithfully walking out God's plan for their lives, but yearning for the ability to make more impact, have more opportunity, and gain more resources to give away for God's glory through the acquisition of a second language.

Then again,  there's also my own home, which is also the most important place I can be. You know, with the husband and children God has given to me and which I believe wholeheartedly is my primary and most important ministry.

The problem is - all of those things are true. All of those places really are the most important places I can be, but I'm struggling to find ways to be present in them all, let alone to be present in them all well. I'll be honest with you, I'm still finding my way as a missionary, and I certainly don't have all the answers. Is it best to focus on just one thing and do it with all you've got? Even though I'm not being as effective as I'd like to be or making the impact I'd like to make in any of these one places, is the something that I have to offer better than nothing at all? Or, by showing up, am I doing a poor job, but filling a vacuum that otherwise might draw the perfect person for that need? I would like more resources - time, money, and talent - to do all that I would like to do down here.

Sorry, all - no neat, tidy ending for tonight's blog post. I guess I'm back where I started - feeling kind of weary. Then again, I know better. I know the things I'm doing are for His benefit, and He tells me not to grow weary from doing good on His behalf (Gal. 6:9) Thankfully, my savior also calls to me on just such occasions - when I am weary and burdened (Mt. 11:28). I'm headed to bed now, and for a little time with Jesus. Tomorrow will be another long day - starting at 6:00 a.m. and ending at 10:00 p.m. - and will include time at the private school and our home school, giving English lessons, and being at the Bible institute. I don't know that I'll have any more answers or resources tomorrow than I do tonight, except that God is always faithful in His promises, and I know He'll be with me and give me rest. It's always been enough so far, after all, no matter how overwhelming life may feel at times. I have no doubt He will continue to be more than enough.

Paches!

When we go back to the United States, people often ask about Guatemalan cuisine. Sadly, all I've been able to make for folks so far is the typical supper of scrambled eggs and refried beans. (It's authentic, but not very exciting.) However, today we got to have a lesson from a neighbor and friend who is a great cook. She often makes and sells food at break time in the Bible institute, so we got the benefit of learning from a pro!

This cooking lesson was all about paches, a traditional Guatemalan food that goes back to the Mayans and quite probably predates Spanish colonization. Most people are familiar with tamales - made with masa (corn flour) and various types of stuffing - because they are common in many Central American countries. However, I was told today that paches are almost exclusively found in Guatemala, and are unique because they're stuffed with mashed potatoes. They're also delicious!

Patty bought the ingredients at local markets and grocery stores, so everything was ready when we arrived around 9:00. She had started at 7:30 or so in the morning and already had the chicken breast cut up into chunks, the potatoes on to boil, and had started washing the mashan leaves. She uses a toothbrush to make sure that the leaves (especially along the central rib) are free from dirt. A note about this - in Mexico, people usually steam tamales in corn husks.  In other places, it's common to use banana leaves. Here in our area of Guatemala, however, we export the banana leaves, and use the leaves of a local plant called mashan, instead. Patty said she buys them in bundles of 20. The larger leaves are 2.50Q a bundle, and the smaller ones are 1.50 a bundle. (For reference - a  is approximately 13 cents.)

Next up we got started on the sauce. I am learning just how amazing and nuanced different sauces can be, so I was excited to learn her recipe and technique. This is the same sauce that they use on tamales as well. The flavors are complex and deep, and I am hoping to be able to make this frequently. Honestly, I think it would be good on just about anything! We started by cleaning two different types of dried peppers. The first is called chile pasa (raisin pepper), and the dried chili did look and feel sort of like a giant raisin. The second is called chili huac. These were smaller and drier. We opened the peppers and removed the seeds and membranes.

Chili Huac - whole

Chili Huac - seeded

Rachel removing seeds from the chili pasa

After our peppers had been seeded and prepared, we put them in a large pot with halved tomatoes, a small onion, three cloves of garlic, a very coarsely chopped red pepper, and a couple tablespoons of salt. After everything had been added, we filled the pot with water until the ingredients were just covered, and then set it on to boil.

Sarah preparing the tomatoes

Before cooking

 

Next came some aromatic fun. Patty and I had gone to our local market the Tuesday before, and she had purchased 4 ounces of ajonjoli (sesame seeds) and 4 ounces of pepitoria (like dried pumpkin seeds, but a little different flavor). We washed them thoroughly (it's surprising how much dirt came loose), and then toasted them in a hot skillet. The ajonjoli had a nutty smell. The pepitoria jumped in the skillet over the heat. Lastly, we toasted some whole cinnamon sticks to add to the sauce. As you can imagine, all of these different smells made the kitchen so fragrant!

Ajonjoli (sesame seeds)

Washing the pepitoria

Toasting

 

 While things were toasting, we peeled the potatoes. Patty cooks her potatoes with the peel on and then peels them after they're cooked. The potatoes here are very thin skinned, so they're easy to peel post-cooking. She then mashes the potatoes. However, these aren't Granny's mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner. She doesn't add anything - no milk or even salt.The texture we were going for was a coarse but consistent mash, NOT a puree.

Now the sauce!! We started by putting the toasted ajonjoli, pepitoria, and cinnamon in a blender and then added enough of the liquid from the cooked vegetables to make the mixture easy to blend. It took a while to get the mix smooth, but once we did so we added it to the potatoes, and then blended the remaining veggies and liquid. Because of the mix of peppers and tomatoes, the color of the sauce was a deep, ruby red. It was beautiful, and smelled fantastic!

Blending the seeds

Vegetable mix after cooking

What a pretty sauce

After adding the blended seed mix and sauce, we stirred well. That's no easy feat with such a big pot! Next up we added salt, pepper, consomme, oil, and masa (corn flour) in just the right proportions to make the mixture taste and feel right. The consistency upon finishing should be somewhere between a puree and a thick mash.

 Now it was time for the magic! Patty took 2 leaves (a small and a large) and put them front side together, so that the backside of the small leaf was ready to receive the mixture and the back side of the large leaf would be on the outside while cooking. She placed about 3/4 cup of potato mixture in the middle of the small leaf, and then put a chunk of chicken breast and a whole, small, mild pepper next to that.

chicken pieces

Peppers

All the good stuff!

Then, we folded! First up, we took the top of the small leaf only, and folded it down over the mixture. 

Next, you fold both layers of leaves over from the sides. Right first, then left.

 Then, you fold the single leaf left on top down, and then gently tap the folded end down on the counter to move the contents to the bottom. After that, all that's left is to fold the remaining 2 layers of leaves on the end over the whole packet. (You'll probably need to break the rigid center stem of the leaf to get the bundle to lie flat.) Voila! You have a wrapped pache ready to be cooked!

 

Before we started folding, we prepared the cooking pot. For this size of recipe, we ended up making around 60 paches! (That takes a big, big pot!) Paches need to be steamed, so we put metal steamer inserts from a different, smaller pot at the bottom, just to get some height. To increase the distance between the bottom of the pot (where the water will be) and the paches, we stacked all of the stems that Patty had cut off of the leaves.

 

 

We stacked all of the wrapped paches inside the pot and then added our water - just enough to thoroughly cover the bottom without drowning any paches. At the end, we used the extra leaves to create a layer on top to help trap the steam, and covered it all with a piece of plastic and a lid. This giant pot of paches was then set on the stove over two burners on high and cooked for about an hour and a half.

 

 

Then came the best part - EATING! Paches are best enjoyed with friends, which we were able to do this afternoon. They're traditionally served with little pieces of French bread so you can soak up all the good stuff from the leaf. We finished the afternoon with many games of Dutch Blitz and thoroughly enjoyed every moment of this delicious day.

Worth the wait and effort

NOT lettuce!

Que rico!!

Friends gathered for good food!

Finishing off the day with a fun game together

Brain Dump

Once again, we've left this blog blank for a long time. <sigh> Sorry. Originally, we started it in hopes that it would be discovered by others just starting out on the mission journey and could help them with insight and information we had trouble finding. Now, it sometimes feels more like a tool for us to keep our friends and family back home informed about what we're up to. Then again, it's also a public blog, so (the internet being what it is) there's no telling who might stumble across it. Hmmm - place to guide others in practical matters?  Personal space for our loved ones? Platform for preaching and teaching the truth of Jesus Christ? Maybe it's all of the above. Or none! For now, here's just a little bit of what's been on my mind recently:

• Missionaries - your kids must be a priority! Before we left for the field, I reminded God that Isaiah 40:11 promises that He leads gently those who have young. In essence, I was reminding him that my kids were a priority for me, and He has reminded me many times since that they must be a priority for ME as well. This year we chose to home school because the educational options available to us weren't the best fit for our kiddos. There have been times that I've felt a little guilty (and gotten some flack from others, to be honest) for spending so much time focused on my own children's needs. After all, we are here to help others, right? Listen - the truth is that regardless of where you live, your own family has been given to you for a reason. God knew what He was doing when He gave them to you. Family is important to Him, and it should be important to us. No matter where you are, but ESPECIALLY on the mission field, you can, should, and must make sure your own family unit is intact and cared for emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

•  Politics stink! I vacillate between being incredibly relieved to be far from the circus that seems to be the U.S. political arena these days, and wishing I could be back in the fray lobbying and involved in local politics once again. What I REALLY wish, though, was that people would, um, I don't know - be reasonable? I've lost friendships because of politics. I can't believe that's true, but it is. I have found myself cringing when it's time to read the news or check social media, not wanting to learn more bad news or (even worse) see more people behaving badly. Heaven help me if I try to read the comments section of an article or comment! It makes me all the more grateful that the answer for the world's problems won't come from the political sphere, but already came 2,000 years ago as the adopted son of a carpenter. Still, I struggle in knowing how to have wisdom in what to say and when/where to say it, and when it's best to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes it's harder to love people the more you know about their political beliefs (and how they choose to express them), honestly, and I long to love all people well. I also don't want to be guilty of the same ignorance or bias or blindness that so infuriates me when I see it in others. Oh, Jesus - help us all!

• My baby girl is almost all grown up. Our oldest daughter is looking at the strong possibility of starting college a year early, pending only sufficient financial aid, which we are excited to see how God will provide. What that means is that she'll be leaving not just our home, but the country in which we serve. We'll be 3,000 miles and 2 countries apart for much of the year. This is the point at which a lot of parents start wringing their hands and fretting. Honestly, though, all I feel is excitement for her and for the world that she's about to take on. We've made a lot of mistakes are parents (as all do), but it's been a delight and a pleasure to parent her and her sisters. I have loved each and every age in its own way, and encourage all of you to forget that tired old lie that the teenage years have to be awful and filled with strife. Our experience has been just the opposite, in fact, and the only regret I have about her leaving is that I will miss her cheerful, capable, insightful presence in my daily life. At what is nearly the end of this process of getting her raised up and ready to be on her own, I feel totally confident in my teenage daughter's abilities to make good choices, be kind, follow her convictions, and honor Christ in all she does. It's been a blur, but an honor, and I'm all the more encouraged to soak up what time we have left with her and her siblings in our home, and to rejoice in the victories I know they all have ahead. 

•  Ministry work doesn't always look like what I thought it would. the past year has been filled with challenges and changes, as I know we've alluded to in past posts, but one of the beautiful things that's come out of it is more intimacy with God, which has enabled us to hear His voice and learn His ways more and more. Before we left for the mission field, my impression of mission work was that it was almost exclusively evangelism, often in the street with strangers. And it is that, sometimes, but not always. Once we got here, we both plugged in to established Christian organizations and lent our energies to their work, which was mostly discipleship and training. We're still with one, but not with the other. Lately, I've felt more convicted to connect with individuals rather than organizations. I found a Christian friend who leads a Bible study at a women's shelter, so I asked if I could help. I met a Christian man who runs a school that needed help with its English program, so I asked if I could help. I have three Christian acquaintances who really want to learn English, so I asked if I could help. Ostensibly, I suppose, some of my activities don't look overtly 'missionary,' except that they are. In forging relationships with these folks, I can pray for and with them and strengthen their faith. In teaching them practical skills, I can help them widen their own sphere of influence and gain resources necessary for outreach. In many ways, it feels like one of the keys to ministry work is to equip locals to spread the gospel and not rely on outsiders to do it, so it feels good to be doing what I'm doing. To be honest, I'm still learning what it means to be a missionary, but for now I'm glad for the new doors God is opening and ways He's allowing me to expand my vision and understanding of this calling He's given me. 

•  Just so you know, I still don't miss winter and snow. At all. 

Merry Christmas

Today is the day that Jesus was born. This is the season when Christ came onto Earth. This is the time of year that... Oh, heck, I guess all I can really say is that the calendar says today is Christmas, and that is when Christians these days traditionally celebrate the birth of Christ. It also seems like a good occasion to set some thoughts down on this blog. 

As you can probably tell from the intro, Christmas and I have a long and challenging history together. Please don’t get me wrong, it’s not the miraculous story I struggle with – the why behind Christmas - but the when and how that are tough to reconcile for me.  I was a faithful and enchanted celebrant as a child, but the tinsel lost its glitter when I became a young adult, and I spent several years avoiding the holiday and everything associated with it entirely, much to the chagrin and heartache of my friends and family. Eventually I came around to seeing that causing them pain and confusion and missing out on the chance to exalt Christ with my fellow believers was at least equally as unchristian as participating in traditions that I knew were not Biblical and were a troubling mix of different faiths. So, we once again began to partake of the good things that Christmas has to offer, despite the fact that it has become so incredibly commercialized and I still believe that many of its trappings (time of year, tree, decorations, etc) do undeniably have their roots in pagan religious habits. This is where the problem lies for me.

Deuteronomy 12:29-32, Jeremiah 10:1-5, and Colossians 2:8 (among many, many other places) are a warning to us about not mingling our faith in Christ with the faith and traditions of other religions. On the other hand, Romans 14 (among many, many other places) tells us to chill out, pray and think for ourselves, and do everything as a celebration to Jesus. Thanks, Bible, for leaving things just a wee bit ambiguous once again. When I sought the Lord for answers, I couldn’t help but be struck by the dichotomy that we’re not supposed to get religious and legalistic about our faith, but we’re also supposed to be pure about how we live it out. Hmmm…

So, I always find myself a bit uncomfortable this time of year as I try to negotiate the best path forward. I need to honor my God above all else, but in order to be a good witness I have to consider the needs of the people and culture (micro and macro) around me as well. It’s not an easy balance to find, so I always approach Christmas with a bit of confusion and dread as well as excitement. Then again, maybe that’s an integral part of the story of Christ coming to Earth, after all – discomfort. 

Don’t get me wrong, even as I write I am safe, full, comfortable, and looking forward to a big bowl of chili and a slice of pecan pie for supper. (Yum!) However, I’m also uncomfortable as well. It’s not easy to be away from my friends and family. Even though we love, love, love our new country (and new house, since we just moved 5 days ago), I feel further from home than ever during this time of year. I know I was called here. It’s where I belong. I understand that its many discomforts will be temporary (even if they last my whole lifetime), but I’m not even sure exactly what God will do through our mission work, though He’s revealed glimpses of it to me. There are promises I believe He’s given regarding our ministry that are bigger than what I can imagine happening, but I hold on to them with awe and wonder nonetheless, though I don’t know how they’ll come to pass. 

I guess that’s a bit like how Mary must have felt - far from home, carrying the savior of the world, and not even given an easy place to bring Him forth. Yet, the Bible tells us in Luke 2:19 that she treasured up the promises God had given her and pondered them in her heart. There’s a great degree of discomfort in that picture – a young girl, away from everyone she knows, surrounded by the unfamiliar, experiencing great physical and emotional challenges, but holding on to the promises of God anyway. If Christmas is  when we celebrate the story of Christ being born, then I guess that’s what Christmas looks like.

The wise men, too, knew what it was to be uncomfortable. In the whole Christmas story, they are the figures that are often viewed as the most mysterious. Not much is written about them except that they came from the East, brought interesting and expensive gifts to the Christ child, and knew enough to not trust Herod. (After all – they were wise men, remember?) I’ve heard a lot of preaching about this subject, and the nearest I can tell is that the Magi were probably part of an exclusive Babylonian/Persian/Median priesthood, meaning their predecessors (by a lot of years) would have known Daniel – the same one from the lion’s den, and all that – and would have had access to his and other Jewish writings, including prophecies about the coming messiah. (You know, stuff like Daniel 9:24-27.) Their physical journey would have been arduous. They would have been away from home for a long time, surrounded by strangers, facing dangers and discomfort, and they would have done it all because of promises God gave long before that they chose to hold on to and pursue. Sound familiar?

Then again, the whole reason for the season (as repeated by bumper stickers and wall hangings) is the Messiah himself. This was the ultimate example of discomfort (to say the least) regarding Christmas. It couldn’t have been easy for Jesus Christ to set aside his deity to become Emmanuel – God with us, and all of the messiness that entailed. After all, who would want to be restrained to being a tiny, helpless baby, complete with soggy cloth diapers and the inability to communicate? More seriously, though, Jesus knew what He was coming to do. He knows the whole end from the beginning, not just the painful end of his physical life on Earth that awaited Him, and He came anyway. For the sake of humanity, for the sake of people who would make His life hard and reject Him, for the sake of the fallen and imperfect, He was willing to face physical, emotional, and spiritual discomfort for 33 long years. For the sake of the salvation of the very people who would cause him that discomfort, He was willing to suffer it. It’s easy to recognize the suffering on the cross as a part of His story, but what about all the discomfort that came from the moment he stepped into human flesh? That’s part of the Christmas story as well.

I guess, in the end, Christmas still doesn’t look any easier or less confusing than it ever did to me, but that’s ok  Now, at least, I know more authentically what celebrating the birth of Christ should look like –whether you celebrate and honor it on December 25^th or every single day of the year. It looks like entering in. It looks like making the effort and taking the long trips and wading into the messiness and confusion of life for the sake of bringing forth the Messiah, sharing Him with others, and giving Him all of your gifts. It looks like doing things that may seem crazy to the world around you, but that you somehow know are right because of promises from an eternally faithful God that you’re holding on to. It looks like taking the opportunities you’re given – whatever they may be – to bring Christ ever more into the world around you. It looks messy. It looks uncomfortable. It looks, in its own small measure, like the story and life of Jesus Himself, and I can totally get on board with that!

People Are a Blessing

Over the last three years, I have been writing about the things that challenge us living in Guatemala - the hard things.  For the most part, we knew most of those things would happen. We had read books and talked to other missionaries, so we were prepared. But, there is one happening now that I had not foreseen and I didn't realize it would be so hard.

The picture above is from my birthday last year. Those are all our friends that we invited who could make it that night.  As of December 20th, every one of them will have moved from Guatemala.

I have never needed friends as much as I do here.  In the States, I was kind of a loner. Sure, I might call my dad, see people at church, and occasionally have someone over, but for the most part my evenings were spent with my kids and family.

Here, though, because you are living outside your own culture, it is good to have people to talk to and to be able to express your excitement and your anxieties to.  While we have made some very dear Guatemalan friends, talking with them is not the same as communicating the struggles and joys of being a missionary. For that, you really need others who have lived the missionary life and understand.

Most people here are not lifers. They may serve five, ten, twenty, or even thirty years, but most are at least open to the idea of going home. In fact, in many conversations I have had with missionaries, this question comes up, "do you think you'll ever go home?"  We all know what is meant by home; it is the United States.  Some people do say, "I am home," but it is rare.

Most of us moved down here because we felt a call to serve, so we are also open to the call of moving somewhere else.  In fact, the last people from that picture who will be leaving later this month are moving to the Middle East.

Being a missionary is like being in a club, and the other people in the club become family.  No one I know does it alone on the mission field, and when people leave, it is like losing a brother or sister. We lose people who go back to the states.  We lose people who move to serve in other places.  And, we never know where we will end up, either.  Will we be lifers in Guatemala? Will we decide we have served enough and go back to the States? Will we be called to another country?  Someday will that picture be just a memory of people who were here in Guatemala and have moved on?

I don't know the answer to those questions, but I know two things right now: 1.)  I am supposed to be here in Guatemala right now.  2.) I miss those people in the picture a lot.

Thankful

Thanksgiving isn't a holiday in Guatemala. Our weekly cheese vendor knocked on our door this morning. Mark went to work at the Bible school. The big Trigal bus is rumbling by every hour or so. (Then again - the sun is also shining and the flowers and still blooming...) Still, it's strange to be in a place where life goes on when I know almost everyone in the States is gathering together with family and friends. I'm busy cooking a traditional feast  this morning for our Bible school potluck (because I'm American) while I listen to the bustling sounds of life outside (because I'm in Guatemala). I'm awfully grateful for the chance to experience both today, but it also has me feeling nostalgic about Thanksgivings gone by.

When I was a kid, we always went to my grandmother's house for Thanksgiving. I have such vivid memories of helping put the leaves in the table and setting out the best dishes. There were never quite enough of them when the whole family gathered together, so the kids (who sat at the card table at the end of the big table) ate with the bubbled glass plates that only came out for holidays as well. Once I got old enough to get the best dishes, I wistfully longed for the fun dishes of my youth. They still make me smile when I see them in the china cabinet. My cousins and I would sneak olives from the relish tray, bounce back and forth between the bustling kitchen and the inevitably interesting conversations the men were having in the den. While my aunt carved the turkey, all of the kids would gather around and making cheeping sounds while she fed the "little birds." One grandma would make the gravy, and the other would dish up mountains of mashed potatoes into the dish we always used, jelly into the dish we always used, stuffing into the dish we always used... There was such comfort in that continuity, and I'm so grateful I had the chance to experience it.

When I got older and got married, we decided (as many do) to split holidays, and celebrated Thanksgiving with my husband's family, which is much bigger than mine. As a result, they did a potluck, with everyone bringing something to share. Usually one uncle would cook (or deep fry, in later years - yummm) a giant turkey. One aunt specialized in pies of all sorts of delicious varieties. There were mashed potatoes, homemade bread and jelly, cheese platters, stuffing, and (most importantly) Mark's grandma's strawberry tapioca pudding. Just thinking about it makes me feel happy. Because there were so many people, we took turns hosting. We did so a couple of times, including the year I cooked a 28 pound bird. It was at my in-law's cabin in the woods often, as well as at Mark's uncle's country property where we enjoyed riding horses while we waited for the food to be set out. There was so much family fun in the little differences every year, and I'm so grateful I had the chance to experience it.

For the last several years that we lived in the States, my best friend and I piled her two girls and my three girls and ourselves and all our stuff into a minivan and took a road trip together. One year it was to St. Louis where we played at a children's museum and explored the city. One year we went back to our old hometown where we relived our earliest childhood memories and visited relatives we hadn't seen for years. One year she came and visited my grandparents, since it only seemed right that she should be familiar with the homes and town that were so important to me growing up. My bestie and I have literally been friends for our whole lives, and these girl trips strengthened and expanded our friendship and helped our daughters forge their on strong, vital relationships with one another. There was so much joy in this precious time together, and I'm so grateful I had the chance to experience it.

Since we've moved to Guatemala, Thanksgiving has taken on a different meaning to me. I understand a little more what it means to truly take time to be thankful, and why it's important to do so. I'm sure the first pilgrims longed for their loved ones far, far away.  Nonetheless, they chose to focus on the exciting possibilities around them in their new land, and the new and very different friends they'd made. Somehow the fact that their fellow travelers - the ones who'd come over with them, toiled with them, shared a common background AND future with them - became all the more dear and beloved. I get that now.  I get all of that. Our Thanksgivings here have been a mix of traditional Iowa Thanksgiving fare, Pennsylvania Thanksgiving fare, Southwest Thanksgiving fare, and a dash of traditional Guatemalan fare mixed in. There is so much growth and challenge in celebrating an American holiday here, and I'm so grateful I have had the chance to experience it.

In the end, after all of this reflection, all I feel is tremendously blessed. Sometimes I mourn for the fact that my kids won't know the same traditions that I knew, but I also delight in the opportunities they will get that I didn't. Just think of what stories they'll have to tell, and what traditions they'll be able to carry forward into their own families. I have so much to give thanks to God for in my past, present, and future, and I'm glad we have a day to contemplate and celebrate such things. Happy Thanksgiving, all!

The Social (Media) Missionary

Ah, social media.

(I could just leave it at that, couldn't I, and a good 83% or so of you faithful readers would probably join me in a poignant sigh and shake of the head...)

Social media is great. I had email from its earliest, dialup days, and have been surfing the web (or "net" as we first called it) since it existed. I got on FB years and years ago - just as MySpace and AOL were in the earliest spasms of their demise. I've had a blog as long as blogs were a thing, and have tried out Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, and most of the other social media things that I'm aware of. (Though, granted, being old enough to remember life before email also means I'm probably too old to understand or know about the latest and greatest options.) In short, I appreciate social media. I've forwarded and reposted with the best of them. But, I've also been in a relationship with the online world long enough to recognize its problems, especially for missionaries.

Don't get me wrong - I adore more than words can say that I can Skype with my family and they can keep up with what we're doing down here online. It's even better that it runs both ways, so we can be voyeurs too! Heck, I'm using Blogger right now as a means to talk about social media with all of you. Clearly, I appreciate this stuff. The advances in technology (especially for social purposes) of the last 10 years are truly mind boggling, and I, like most missionaries, am grateful for them literally every single day.

However, social media does give me pause.

Back in our "regular life" days, I never gave it a second thought what I put online. I mean, I didn't swear or repost things that said, "If you don't share this in the next ten seconds some horrible tragedy will befall you." I like to think I was conscientious of others. And, of course, I was careful not to put my social security number out there or tell the world that I was going on vacation and our house and all its possessions would only be guarded by a couple lazy cats. Aside from the normal precautions, though, I put up whatever I wanted, and didn't really consider what other people might think of it.  That's not the case now.

First off, there are safety concerns that are different here. Let me reiterate in no uncertain terms - we have NEVER felt unsafe in Guatemala, and we know God and his giant, muscular, sword-wielding angels are always with us. But, the statistics for this nation are less than good. We've known people who have had scary things happen to them. I won't elaborate, but it's definitely enough to make us extra thoughtful and prayerful about what we post. In the States, we took for granted that people who could and would protect us were just a 911 call away. There is no 911 here. In the States, we looked more or less like everyone else (except for being a bit better looking, perhaps). Here, we kinda sorta stand out a little bit, and have to be aware of that. In the States, we were always a lower-middle class family, and the fact that most of our possessions came from Goodwill or Salvation Army meant that they'd already literally been picked over and discarded once by the time we got them, so they weren't likely to appeal to the criminal class or anyone else. Here, even though we make next to nothing in the States for a family of 5, we're considered wealthy. (Of course, we're assumed to be even more so simply because of our light skin and country of origin). Because of all of those things, we have to think twice about what we post simply for safety's sake.

I can't imagine what it would be like for missionaries living in countries where it's dangerous or illegal to share the Gospel!

Another reason we're cautious, though, has nothing to do with the people here, and everything to do with the people back home. For some reason, everyone has a different and very specific idea of what a missionary is, and what a missionary should do... and NOT do. For example, some Christian folks we know are offended by the fact that we don't drink alcohol. Others think it highly improper that we have an X-Box and sometimes play <gasp> fighting games. What this means, then, is that every time we put something up on FB, we're inviting scrutiny of our ministry (and even our Christianity) in a way. Perhaps someone will be bothered by a secular CD or movie in the background of a picture, or a book by an author (Christian or otherwise) that they don't approve of, or a food package for an item that isn't missionary-y enough (don't laugh - this happens). We want, above all things, to be effective for Christ's sake, and therefore we strive to live in peace with all people as much as possible (Rom. 12:18), not cause others to stumble (1 Cor. 10:32), and avoid even the appearance of evil (1 Thes. 5:22). The trouble comes in not knowing what strange thing (to us) could cause these problems! Honestly, judgement and undue scrutiny of one believer by another for inconsequential things is one of the biggest problems in Christianity today, and it can be even harder for missionaries.

But, the last reason we try to be careful what we post is probably the most difficult. We live on donations. Therefore, we sometimes don't feel like we can do what we need to do with our money without being criticized. In the past (when we had regular jobs like most people), we considered whether or not we could afford something, and prayed about if God wanted us to buy or do it before we made any decisions. Now, we have to add another step and really consider what others might think. Please don't get me wrong - we try to be VERY faithful stewards of the funds God so graciously puts into our hands by the hard work and generous donations of others. (Trust me - we're some of the most frugal people you will meet!) BUT, it's hard to ensure that every social media post looks "frugal enough" for everyone's tastes. If we throw up a picture of ourselves eating out at a restaurant, for example, people might think we do so all the time, instead of understanding that we were attending a ministry dinner that was a part of our work here. If we put up a picture of our kids in a hotel or at the beach, folks might start imagining how much it would cost them to go to the same type of place, not realizing that things are not NEARLY as expensive (or nice) here as they are in the States, and we're required to take such a trip in order to stay in Guatemala to continue our ministry. Plus, going for the very cheapest option here can sometimes mean truly appalling accommodations, or even being unsafe. I know it sounds a little ridiculous, but it's also important. It sometimes feels like we can't afford (literally and figuratively) to offend people or make them think we're misusing donations. That's tough.

So, what's a social (media) missionary to do? Should we start adding captions to all pictures explaining away any possible misunderstandings or misinterpretations? ("The name brand shirt was given to us and that's 100% fair trade coffee! I swear!") Start censuring with bold, black lines over any pictures items that could be questionable? ("Sorry, family back home. I've blotted out all the smiles! Missionaries can't look too happy, after all...") Just leave out any and all information that could be problematic? ("Today we --------ed in the city of -------------- with a group of -------------...") Just give up on social media all together?

Um, maybe not. Instead, maybe I'll write a blog post about the challenges of being a missionary with social media, which will help people be thoughtful about their own reactions to posts and updates, and let them know just how hard missionaries really do try to not offend people (but to please Christ, above all). Who knows, it just might work, but not unless you hit ctrl+F7 and forward this blog post to 30 people in the next minute.