Trial Run

We did a trial run on packing the Jeep up today. It was good - better than I expected, even. Between the cargo area in the back and our car-top carrier, we have plenty of room for each of us to take a duffel bag and a Space Bag (medium for the girls, large for Mark and for me).

Funny how in this process that has come to sound like a perfectly ample amount of packing space to move to a foreign nation. Just goes to prove God really can change hearts and minds.

Besides those things, we also made sure there was room for 2 boxes of Spanish New Testaments, a cooler, a few (very few) household items, and our electronics.

To be honest, the latter takes up a pretty significant precentage of the available space, considering that we have a TV, XBox, and all all of our CDs and DVDs. Deep down, I think we all feel a little conflicted about this. (First-world guilt, you might call it.)

But, after talking with several people who've done mission work, we found out that it's pretty important to have something familiar, something in English, and something a little mindless we can all do together during the transition period when we first get there.  We really debated about whether or not to take these things, but I think we made the right decision.

Plus, now that we know for sure that it's all going to fit, we only have to deal with the occasional twinge of first-world guilt, instead of weeks and weeks of transition trauma. So, yay Jeep and car top carrrier! Thanks for helping us out with that. :)

Taking Stock

So, here's something I hadn't thought about before - the freezer in our basement. You know, it's just been down there quietly humming away since we moved it in two years ago, keeping all of our 'extra' stuff nice and cold for us. 

The problem is, we don't need any 'extra' stuff anymore. In fact, soon we're not going to need any stuff at all. At least, not any food.

That's a strange feeling. 

Usually when you move you just unload the cupboards, fridge and freezer into boxes, take them to the new place, and put them away there. (Ditto laundray stuff, cleaners, the things in your medicine cabinet, etc.. But, I digress.) 

Just to be sure that I wasn't going to be wasting food and/or wasting money, I decided to take an inventory of what we have left for food in the house, and do menus to ensure that we use it all up.

Turns out, I've got all of my suppers planned from now until the day we leave. (I guess I had more food on hand than I realized!) 

Don't get me wrong - we'll still have to do some shopping for side dishes, snacks, and perishables. But, we're bound to save a lot of money on groceries (especially since I won't be stocking up on the things on sale, like I usually do). And - we're going to eat like kings! That turkey I was saving for a special occasion? It's supper next Tuesday night. The giant pork roast I figured I'd use for a family dinner? It'll taste great the Monday after next, and the leftovers will be the perfect pairing for that bag of dried black beans I found in the back of the cupboard. 

Oh, and did I mention that I had lots of steaks left that I intended to last us a whole grilling season? Yummm!

The only things I wasn't able to figure out how to use up were a whole bottle of Karo syrup (?), the dill and mustard seed I'd bought to make pickles this summer, and a couple of boxes of hot cocoa mix. Wonder how they'd all taste together as a barbeque sauce to go on all that delicious meat. Hmm.... 

Six Weeks

Exactly six weeks from today we will close the door on this house for the last time, and venture off into the unknown.

(Ok technically we'll venture off in a Jeep Liberty on a three-week journey to familiar places visiting family and friends. But, THEN we'll be in the unknown.)

Some days it feels like six weeks is forever, and it's hard not to wish the time away since we're so excited to get to Guatemala. Some days, though, six weeks feels like no time at all, and I can hardly stand how quickly it's all happening. 

This in-between time is strange. And, honestly, a little hard. 

I mean - I know I need to clean out my kitchen cupboards and get rid of, well, everything. But, when should I do that? Ditto the bathroom vanity. And the blanket chest in the living room. And, and, and...

We've done a ton of sorting in the past six months, and really have narrowed things down significantly. Our motto during that time was, "If I won't use it between now and when we leave, and/or I'm not taking taking it with me, I'm getting rid of it."

The trouble is, I don't really have a sense of what we'll use in the next six weeks. (Or even exactly what we'll have room to take with us.) Yes, technically we can go without most of the things now. But, do we want to feel like we're camping in our own home for the next 42 days when we don't have to?

Of course, I also don't want to wait until the last  minute and be scrambling to re-home a whole bunch of stuff on the last day that we're here, when we're packing up and dealing with the dozens of last-minute things that are sure to pop up.

<sigh> It's a bit of a circular problem, I guess, but I know God will continue to guide us day by day and help us make these decisions wisely. 

So, here's to six weeks left - a strange milestone, but a good one nonetheless.

And So It Begins...

Sheesh.... why does everybody have to be so gosh-darned nice!!??

We are now at the point where we're starting to have to say goodbyes to people. As in - we may not see these folks again for a year. Or two years. Or, maybe not again until we meet in eternity.

This is hard stuff, made even more difficult by just how wonderful the people we are leaving behind happen to be.

Today our younger two girls went off to a home school gathering that was kind of a bonus, if you will, since it was previously unscheduled. Our oldest daughter decided to stay home so she could finish some school work she'd gotten behind on.

I guess she didn't realize this would be one of those poignant 'lasts.'
(I didn't either.)

They're really starting to sneak up on us now...

It turns out that the teacher in the program and all of the students had made beautiful cards. And said nice things. And passed out hugs.

And Rachel missed them. :(

So, now, I'm sitting on my bed, crying on her behalf.

To be honest, there are a whole lot of conflicting feelings that pop up when you're this close to leaving for the mission field. But, it doesn't always feel like it's ok to express them. I mean, we don't want people to think we're wavering in our dediction or suddenly feeling unsure of our calling, because we're not. But, at the same time, we're still human. We still have insecurities, doubts, and fears, just like everyone else.

And, leaving people you love - even if it's for the best possible reasons in the world - will always be hard to do.

There is a part of me that wants to throw the brakes on and try to stop this whole process right now. Who gives up great jobs? A great home? A great church? A great future? Who gives up family gatherings and Christmas with the grandparents and giggly friendships? What kind of parents drag their kids away from everything familiar, and known, and comfortable?

Those thoughts do cross my mind. And, even though I know they are from the accuser, and not from God, they're there. I don't want anyone to think that we're not 100% sure about our calling, but I also wouldn't want anyone to think that it's always easy to walk it out, either.

'Cause it's not.

So, if you all would just stop being so gosh-darned nice so that it would be less difficult to leave, I'd really appreciate it.

(Ok, maybe not. Thanks for being so wonderful, and so kind, and such an important part of our lives!)

A Choice

I am going to be very honest in this post.  Some people may have issues, but I am going to speak very candidly.

Last year about this time, I started to feel conviction to give something up for the Lord.  Now, I have given many things up for the Lord over the years.  I have sacrificed things I really wanted to do, or habits I enjoyed, but what He asked me to give up last year seems harder - both personally and socially.

Since August 11th of last year, I have not had any alcohol.  It is an easy date to remember, since I was at Comic-Con.  Now, this may not seem like a big deal to some. But, over the years, I had begun to enjoy the taste of alcohol.  Not to the level of getting drunk, but I liked a drink with a meal or with friends.

I compare it to not getting to eat pizza anymore (which is my favorite food).  It is easy to eat something else, but I would still miss eating it.

Alcohol had become something of a special treat for me.  When we would eat at Buffalo Wild Wings I would get a Stella Artois with my wings.  When would eat Mexican food I would get a margarita.  When going to eat somewhere nice, I would get a mixed drink I had never had before.  And on Sunday nights I would have a nice glass of Budweiser.

It was really something to enhance the meal.  It also helped me relax after a long day.

(This may be a good moment to bring up that even though I have stopped drinking, I do not view it as an evil or judge anyone who does.  This is something between me and God.  So if we are hanging out and you want to go get a drink, it will not bother me.)

Of course, I didn't listen to God at first.  (Ignoring God is especially easy when what He's asking you to give up is not something that you view as really bad.)  But, I had a heart to be obedient to what God was telling me.  And, He took matters into his own hands.

Alcohol started not tasting good. It had also lost its effect of being able to relax me.  So, I would have a Budweiser (my favorite beer) after a long day at work and the first sip would be awful.  I would think, "that is odd," and drink the rest of it over the next hour, like normal. That whole time, it would still taste awful.  AND it didn't have any relaxing effect on me.

I remember someone asking me when they offered me a drink, "Do you not drink anymore?".  My response was simply,  "It doesn’t taste good anymore."  After fighting that for a month or two  the light bulb finally came on.  God was applying pressure.

Now here is the part I like about God.

He was applying pressure. If I decided not to listen, to not have an obedient heart, or I just said that it wasn't worth giving up,  I am 99% sure that alcohol would have started tasting good again.  God will only take you as far as you are willing to go.

I have been reading Romans in the New Living Translation, and I found this idea put best in chapter 14 verse 23:

But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.

So, I am done drinking at this point.  I don't know if this is a forever thing, or just a season.  I would imagine God will want my obedience on this for a lifetime.  But, I am not worried about it. I am following His will for my life, and that is what counts - not the cost.