The Check Is In the Mail

We took another big step today, which was both good and scary, at the same time. That's right - we used the postal service as our megaphone (so to speak), and 129 letters have now been mailed out to our friends, family, and acquaintances.

To put that into perspective - if you believe the estimates to be found online, I consumed approximately 774 calories just from licking all those envelopes! (129 is a lot.) One thing I couldn't find online - how many calories a person burns by folding letters and stuffing them into envelopes. I'm kinda hoping it's a more aerobic activity than it seemed at the time. I mean, the last thing I want is to get fatter just by trying to become a missionary. Sheesh!

Anyhoo - it feels very exposing to know that those letters are all out there, on their way to maiboxes around the country. In a very real sense, it's like it's more official now than ever, since more people will know that we're planning on going. There's no taking it back, which makes the questions in the back of my mind all the more irritating. And scary.

What if we misheard the Lord, and this isn't what we're supposed to do? (What if He said, "guacamole" instead of "Guatemala"? After all - they sound similar. Right? Right!?!)

What if we're terrible missionaries? (Like, so bad that we end up turning people away from Christ instead of to Him, and everyone in the country ends us a hopeless heathen - because of us?)

What if we can't raise the money we need in order to go? (So, we go anyway, by faith, and end up more destitute than the people there, and they end up getting missionaries from within Guatemala to come do outreach to the poor, pathetic Gringo family?)

What if? 

What if? 

What if...?

See - even (especially) missionaries have doubts like every other Christian. But, I no longer have the luxury of  wrestling with my 'what ifs' in the privacy and (relative) comfort of my own mind, anymore. It feels like I've now got an audience of 129 people with ringside seats. Somebody pop some popcorn, I guess...

"In this corner, weighing in at 6 ounces more than she did before licking all those envelopes, is Andrea Farrier!"

"And, in the other corner, small enough to slip into your thoughts unnoticed, is the Nasty Naysayer, whose exploits have been recorded in such publications as the book of Job, the gospel accounts of the temptation of Christ, and every modern fashion magazines!"

Well, you know what? I say, "bring it!" Bring on the echoing announcer. Bring on the glare of the lights and the ropes to mark the ring. Bring on the popcorn, and bring on the audience. Somebody ring the bell, and let's get this thing started.

Trust me - just getting to the place of accepting that God could possibly want someone like *me* to go the Guatemala to preach the gospel required a whole lot of kickin' Doubt's heiney, already. I'm getting much better at it, with each passing day. And, if watching me struggle with this 800 pound gorilla encourages someone else's faith, or helps them tune out The Accuser, then I'm more than happy take my fight public.

I've read the end of The Book. I know who wins. Here's a hint - it's not the Nasty Naysayer. And, as long as I keep resisting Him, then that means I'm on the winning team. It's a sure thing, friends. My reward is already waiting is for me. I guess, in some ways, you could say that the check is already in mail. And, since that's the case, I really don't have anything to fear from putting all those envelopes in the mail, either, do I?

Except, maybe, those extra 6 ounces from licking all those envelopes. But, I think I can handle that.

It's All a Matter of Perspective

This is really happening. We're really going to move to Guatemala. Like, to live. Holy cats, Batman! How did this happen!?

Of course, there is a whole lot of backstory, and a whole lot of years of God wooing us and working on softening our hearts. But, the long and short of it is that He called us - quite clearly. So clearly, in fact, that we kinda had to give up arguing and do what He said. I believe it's called 2 by 4 communication. (You know - He made it as clear as a 2 by 4 upside the head.)

Anyway - despite our weeks of, "are we?"s, we knew it was really real once we told our families. Up until then, there had been very little risk. Very little challenge. Very little pain.

It was not easy to tell our parents that we were going to move to a kindasorta dangerous place. It was not easy to tell our parents that we were going to short circuit the plans and dreams they may have had for us. Most especially, it was not easy to tell our parents that we were going to take their grandchildren from them.

And, in case the subtext isn't getting through, 'not easy' doesn't even begin to cover it.

They were absolutely wonderful and supportive about it, though, which was further confirmation of:

1.) the fact that God really is calling us to do this. (For real, God? I mean, if my parents said 'no,' then we'd have to honor that and back out right now. Right? Right?!?)

2.) the fact that our parents are truly spectacular human beings, and deserve all the good things that life has to offer.

Good things, for example, like frequent visits and close geographic proximity to their grandchildren - precisely the things we are taking away. Oye.

I was praying about this a few nights after we made the announcement to our families. I was crying out (or, just crying/whining maybe) to God. Our conversation went a little something like this:

ME: But, God! How can you ask us to do this!? How can you ask us to take our children away from their grandparents? I know we're only committing to two years, but what if You call us there longer? What if it's five years? Eight? Maybe even longer? Isn't that unfair to do to them? They love us, and they love our kids. Family is an institution that YOU created. Are you sure you want us separated like this!?

GOD: Oh, Andrea. [I think He has to say this to me a lot, by the way...] I am truly sorry that your family will have to be apart for a short time. But, surely you understand that your brief separation from loved ones is for a purpose. It will help ensure that I don't have to have an eternal separation from those whom I love and am sending you to. Are you willing to spend a few of your years for their eternity? I promise - I will be with you through it all.

<sigh> You can't exactly argue with that, can ya?

I am learning - little by little - what it means to have an eternal perspective. Yes, I always rejoiced at the fact that my salvation through Christ's sacrifice granted me an eternal victory and life with Him. However, He is starting to teach me that part of that prize includes a responsibility for the eternities of others, as well.

Eternity is a long time, folks. Longer, even, than a few years of painful separation from the people I love so very much. Longer, still, for those who might spend it in agony and separated from God, if I am unwilling to go where He tells me to go, and do what He tells me to do.

Guess it really is all a matter of perspective after all, isn't it?

If anyone comes to me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters , yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

-- Luke 14:26