The Check Is In the Mail

We took another big step today, which was both good and scary, at the same time. That's right - we used the postal service as our megaphone (so to speak), and 129 letters have now been mailed out to our friends, family, and acquaintances.

To put that into perspective - if you believe the estimates to be found online, I consumed approximately 774 calories just from licking all those envelopes! (129 is a lot.) One thing I couldn't find online - how many calories a person burns by folding letters and stuffing them into envelopes. I'm kinda hoping it's a more aerobic activity than it seemed at the time. I mean, the last thing I want is to get fatter just by trying to become a missionary. Sheesh!

Anyhoo - it feels very exposing to know that those letters are all out there, on their way to maiboxes around the country. In a very real sense, it's like it's more official now than ever, since more people will know that we're planning on going. There's no taking it back, which makes the questions in the back of my mind all the more irritating. And scary.

What if we misheard the Lord, and this isn't what we're supposed to do? (What if He said, "guacamole" instead of "Guatemala"? After all - they sound similar. Right? Right!?!)

What if we're terrible missionaries? (Like, so bad that we end up turning people away from Christ instead of to Him, and everyone in the country ends us a hopeless heathen - because of us?)

What if we can't raise the money we need in order to go? (So, we go anyway, by faith, and end up more destitute than the people there, and they end up getting missionaries from within Guatemala to come do outreach to the poor, pathetic Gringo family?)

What if? 

What if? 

What if...?

See - even (especially) missionaries have doubts like every other Christian. But, I no longer have the luxury of  wrestling with my 'what ifs' in the privacy and (relative) comfort of my own mind, anymore. It feels like I've now got an audience of 129 people with ringside seats. Somebody pop some popcorn, I guess...

"In this corner, weighing in at 6 ounces more than she did before licking all those envelopes, is Andrea Farrier!"

"And, in the other corner, small enough to slip into your thoughts unnoticed, is the Nasty Naysayer, whose exploits have been recorded in such publications as the book of Job, the gospel accounts of the temptation of Christ, and every modern fashion magazines!"

Well, you know what? I say, "bring it!" Bring on the echoing announcer. Bring on the glare of the lights and the ropes to mark the ring. Bring on the popcorn, and bring on the audience. Somebody ring the bell, and let's get this thing started.

Trust me - just getting to the place of accepting that God could possibly want someone like *me* to go the Guatemala to preach the gospel required a whole lot of kickin' Doubt's heiney, already. I'm getting much better at it, with each passing day. And, if watching me struggle with this 800 pound gorilla encourages someone else's faith, or helps them tune out The Accuser, then I'm more than happy take my fight public.

I've read the end of The Book. I know who wins. Here's a hint - it's not the Nasty Naysayer. And, as long as I keep resisting Him, then that means I'm on the winning team. It's a sure thing, friends. My reward is already waiting is for me. I guess, in some ways, you could say that the check is already in mail. And, since that's the case, I really don't have anything to fear from putting all those envelopes in the mail, either, do I?

Except, maybe, those extra 6 ounces from licking all those envelopes. But, I think I can handle that.